Breyden was a busy little unicorn. He was two years old and when he was happy, he was the happiest unicorn in the world and when he was mad, he was the maddest unicorn in the world. He would get up in the morning with a big smile and then he would run and run. Usually he was a quiet unicorn but sometimes he needed to just run and run and neigh and neigh. There always seemed to be so many things to see and do.
It seemed that his mommy was always telling Breyden what to do but mostly what not to do. She would tell him to get up because he needed to go to Jan's house while she went to work. Or she would tell him to hold still so she could get his clothes on. Breyden didn't like to hold still. He wanted to run and run.
When Breyden was at Jan's there was a schedule to follow. There was breakfast, outside time, work time, naptime, snack time, clean up time, music time and then wait time. Sometimes the 'wait time' while he waited for Mommy or Daddy to pick him up seem liked the longest time of the day.
By the time Breyden got home he was tired and cross. He didn't want to be good or hold still. He didn't want to share toys with his big sister Ella. He didn't want to do anything. When Ella told him to share, he hit her.
'Breyden, you know that if you hit, you will be in time out,' his mommy exclaimed. She picked him up and put him on the living room couch. She held the timer and said, 'You need to sit there for two minutes until the timer makes a noise.' Breyden slumped on the couch. He slithered on the couch and then he got off the couch. His mommy said 'Breyden, if you get off the couch I have to start the timer over again' and then she picked him up and put him back on the couch and reset the timer. This time Breyden sat on the couch and when the timer rang his mommy said, 'Okay, you can get off the couch but no hitting.
Breyden went back to the toy box and started playing with his truck. His sister came over and put her face close to his face and asked if he wanted to have a tea party. Breyden didn't want to have a tea party and he didn't like his sister so close so he bit her. Mommy proclaimed, 'Breyden, if you kick, hit, bite or throw things at people you will be in time out!' and then she picked him up and carried him back to the couch. Breyden sat on the couch with a scowl on his face and when the timer rang he got off the couch and lay down on the floor.
Mommy looked at Breyden, turned the dinner on the stove to low and came over and picked Breyden up and hugged him. She whispered, 'I love you. I think we are all tired out now but after dinner and a rest let's go for a walk with Dad. Come play with your plastic containers in the kitchen while I finish supper.'
Breyden went into the kitchen and played with the plastic containers in his cabinet. He took a spoon and banged on the containers. Then two containers got stuck together and he got mad. He picked up the containers and threw them at his mother. His mother cried out, 'Oh Breyden, that hurt. Now you've thrown something at me and you have to go to time out again.' Then she picked him up and took him back to the couch.
After this time out Breyden's daddy came home. He carried Breyden upstairs to change clothes. Daddy tossed Breyden in the air and made him giggle. They played chase in the house and Ella wanted to play. Daddy started tickling Ella and then they all started playing chase. After they were tired, Ella told Daddy that Breyden had had three timeouts already. This made Breyden mad. He turned around and kicked Ella. Daddy said, 'Breyden, if you kick you will be in time-out' and then he picked Breyden up and took him to the couch. Breyden started shouting but Daddy just held the timer until Breyden was quiet and then Daddy started the timer.
When the timeout was over, everyone ate dinner and Mommy and Daddy looked at each other and rolled their eyes. 'Let's go for walk,' Dad said. After walk and bath and story time were done, Breyden fell fast asleep.
The next morning Breyden woke up all smiles and giggles. He squirmed while his mommy tried to dress him and Mommy gave up and tickled him. She put his clothes in his back pack and carried him down to breakfast. She told him to remember that if he hit, kicked or bit anyone that he would be in time out either at home or at Jan's. She showed him the timer and let him play with it and learn how it worked. She said, 'Remember if I have to reset the timer because you get out of time out, it takes longer until the noise happens.' Then they talked about the outing he was going to have at Jan's house that day. They were going to the zoo!
When Breyden got home that night he was very tired. Mommy got everyone some orange juice and they all sat on the couch and watched Sesame Street. While Mommy went upstairs to change clothes, Ella was building a city with Lego's and Breyden started to help her. When she told him to stop helping, he got mad and hit her. Mommy came downstairs and picked Breyden up and put him on the couch and set the timer. After timeout, Breyden got down and started playing with his truck. Ella came over and asked 'Can I have your truck to use in my city?'
Breyden didn't want to lend Ella his truck and he wanted to hit her but he didn't want to go to time out. So he just said, 'No!' and Ella went away and found another truck. Mommy said, 'Good job, not fighting.' Then Breyden felt good about himself and decided to go to the kitchen and play in his cabinet.
When Daddy came home that night Mommy said, 'Breyden and Ella had a busy day and saw a lot of animals at the zoo. Breyden has done very well this evening and had only had one time out. I think he understands if you hit, kick or bite, no one wants to be with you so that you have to be by yourself for a few minutes.'
The family ate sandwiches for dinner, Breyden had a bath playing with Ella, and then they had story time. They read a book about a little boy who had trouble with his temper and had to learn to not hit when he was mad or he would have to go to time out. The story made Breyden giggle because even little boys had timeouts—not just little unicorns! Then Daddy and Mommy kissed him goodnight and he fell right to sleep. He was a very happy, and a very tired, little unicorn.
Notes for parents:
It is important to remember that discipline always works best if there is a natural or logical consequence to the action. In this case it makes logical sense that if the child hits or kicks or is aggressive, he should go to timeout. Nobody wants to be around someone who is aggressive so that person has to be alone. A simple example of logical and natural timeouts is the following:
If your child is climbing on a chair and you are afraid that he might fall, you can tell him to sit in or get off the chair because he may fall. If he falls, you can tell him 'oops, I was afraid of that' and let his action teach him consequences. If falling is too risky, tell your child that he will need to sit in the chair or get off the chair because you are afraid that he will fall. If he continues to climb, remove him from the chair. Problem is solved; there is no need for punishments or bribes. It is tempting to say to a child that he won't get a treat such as a lollipop if he doesn't behave but unless the treat is directly related to his actions such a ploy will often backfire. Before long he is testing how many times he can climb in the chair before loosing a treat, or if one child behaves and another child doesn't you're faced with the situation of one child eating a lollipop if front of the other child. It is always best to think why we want our children to do something and what the natural or logical consequences are if they don't do it.
It is also important to have plenty of 'time in' when raising children. In this story the snuggle time watching Sesame Street which mommy arranges after the second day defuses some of the tension built up by a busy or exhausting day. If you are having recurrent battles with your child, you need to change the routine of your day or the setting of the battles. I can remember coming home from work after picking up my children from day care and just wanting 20 minutes to change my clothes and start dinner. Invariably my children would start to fight or whine. I learned to come home, get everyone a drink, and sit on the floor and watch something peaceful on TV. After a little cuddle time, everyone would relax and tell me about their day. Then I could change clothes and do a few simple tasks to start the evening. It is also very helpful to tell children what to do, not just what not to do. Telling Breyden to come play in the kitchen while she made dinner gave him something to do while Mommy finished her task.
There is usually a time in your child's development when she needs to learn not to be physically aggressive. During this period, it can seem that you are always putting her in time-out. Don't despair. If you are consistent about not tolerating aggressive activity, within a few weeks the activity will greatly diminish and your evenings will return to something besides a series of time outs.
Posted by Wanda at April 8, 2007 1:56 PM